University of Virginia Library

MAD VERSE, SAD VERSE, GLAD Verse and Bad Verse.

I weeping sing the maddest mad Rebellion,
That ever Story told, or Tongue can tell ye on:
The Barbarous Wars of th'Heathen Gothes, and Vandalls,
Did never make their names such Odious Scandalls:
The Turkes, the Jewes, the Canniballs and Tartars,
Ne're kept such wicked, Rude, unruly Quarters.
Jerusalems Eleazer, John and Simon,
Did ne're yeeld Poet baser stuffe to Rime on.
Not bloody Sylla, or consuming Marius,
Into so many mischiefes could e're carry us;
The Roman and th'Imperiall Guelphes and Gibellins,
Vnto our English Rebells are but Quiblins.
Not Munsters John a Leyd, or Knipperdoling,
Did ever use such Pilling and such Poleing;
Nor was their Cheating or their Hare-braind trouble like
As ours, (rais'd by the faithlesse Faith call'd Publique.)
The Royall twain, Lancastrians, and Yorkists,
Were ne're so mad as those Cornuted Forkists.
The Heard of all the Councell (called Common)
Hath shewed such wisedome, as was seen by no man;
And many of the Rich and Reverend Aldermen,
(Saving their Beards) in wit were never Balder-men.
The Citazens of all Trades, (poor tame Widgeons)
Were hardly more in number, then Religions,
That one may say of London, what a Towne ist,
Is it quite Metamorphos'd and turn'd Brownist,
Or shivered into Sects? alas, how apt ist
To be a Familist, or Anabaptist!
And last of all, (and which of all the worst is)
To be Rebellious, which (of all) accurst is.
The two pretended Houses at Westminster
Have made a stirre, as there hath never bin stirre
To equall it, and with Religious Mantle
They Rifle England, by patch, piece and Cantle.
The Documents of Burton, Prinne and Bastwick
Inspires the People mindes, and Braines fantastick,
Whilst the Committee close, or close Committee
Makes many Thousands sing a dolefull Dittie;
Where daily feares are stamp'd and new Coynd Jealousies
For King and Kingdomes spoyle, both Fire and Bellowes is.
Their Whirlegigges, their Vanes and Haslerigges,
Whose wisedomes are approv'd, (like Tarletons Jygges.)
Mild-may that monster never be received,
That Judas like his Maisters trust deceived,
And let that Pye within the Oven be burned,
That 'gainst his Maker is a Rebell turned.
Let Say be lesse esteem'd then rotten Buckram
And Holland scorn'd and stink like lousie Lockram
May Deering, a rare Gem, a deare Ring be he,
And (Circle) turn'd, at the Triangle Tree be.
And I may say of thee, O London, London,
What hath thy sword and shield, thy Pike and Gun done,
O what hath many a Mothers wicked son done
But made their Magazen of mischiefe London,
Thrice happy had it been for our Tranquillitie,
If th'Authors of this damned Incivilitie,
Had been a little checkt by Gregory Brandon,
With every one a Hempen twisted Band on.
Because I wrote some Pamphlets, that were printed
In hope thereby their madnesse might be stinted,
For which my kindnesse they were still ingratefull,
And every day (with troubles) fild my Pate full,
Abusing my sincere and good Intentions
With foule prejudicate and false Inventions.
For since the time that first I understood men
I ne're writ any thing to anger good men;
But I have lasht at Nose-wife Scripture Picklers,
At Separatists and lawlesse Conventicklers,
Who are this Kingdomes wasting Maledictions,
The Kings, the Churches, and the Lands Afflictions.
They said I was a Villaine, and most fervent
In Roguery, for I was the Kings sworne Servant:
They did so farre detest me, and abhorre me
They caused a Messenger to be sent for me,
He used me kindly for which cause here I name
The man (a wonder) and men call him Binehame.
He said mine Enemies were full of malice
(Wider from truth then Dover is from Callice;)
Their fowle Complaints (quoth he) are scimble scamble,
Mere Froth and Vapour, yet we two must amble
Before the close Committees great Tribunall,
(Whose Orders have put Order out of Tune all.)
To Merchant-Taylors-Hall, (as I remember)
He brought me, neare the ending of November,
The yeare of sixteene hundred forty and two
Whereas false Accusations I did stand to,
Æthiopian Corbet, Isaack high and mighty
Look'd grim, their very countenance would fright ye,
They charg'd me with such words, that I had spoken
Which had I spoke, my Neck they would have broken;
That Pym, Kimbolton, Haslerigge, Strode, Hampden
And Hollis (Rebells which the learned Campden,
Nor Stow, Howes, Speed, old Fabian, Cooper, Grafton
In all their Chronicles, they never left one
For Treason, with those six to be compared,
Or dar'd to do, the like as they have dared.)
They said I said, those six a cursed Crew were,
That they to God, King, Kingdom, never true were,
That they were Rogues, and Theeves, full of oppression,
Rebells, and Traitors, for which foul Transgression
Because they all grew rich by Robbing others,
Made Sirelesse Sons, Sons Sirelesse, Sonlesse Mothers,
By Rapine bringing Thousands unto Beggery,
For which they all deserv'd reward from Gregory.
These dangerous accusations I deny'd all,
My conscience knew, that they from Truth were wide all,
And that my accusers, that sought my disgrace there,
Not one of them did dare to show his face there.
Vpon which answer they did straight acquit me,
Yet to the Messenger they did Commit me;
But he spake for me, I did humbly wooe them:
He said (at any time) I should come to them:
The honest Messenger gat me discharged,
And to the Tavern we went both enlarged,
Where I did give him thanks in Sack and Claret,
And for his paines had but a small fee for it.
My Rascall Enemies did dayly watch me,
And vow'd to do me mischiefe if they catch me:
To Murder me, they many times way-laid me,
And near the Guild-Hall once had like t'have payd me.
For as my selfe, and two more honest men was,
One Quart at three-tons Tavern, drinking then was,
The cursed Crew, (more then six score to'th hundred)
Did swear that Limb from Limb I should be sundred)
My friends and I Amaz'd, did much admire on,
Wherefore the House so Rudely they Inviron,
But I perceiving t'was no time to dally,
Slipt through a smoke shop in t'a narrow Alley,
And so into a street men call Cat-Eaten,
And by that meanes, scap'd more then being Beaten,
My Wife lay long sick, many troubles prickt me,
Necessity did divers wayes Afflict me.
The King (my Maister) justly was offended,
And on his Service my Estate depended,
He, and His Royall Queen, (my gracious Mistris)
Were driven from us, His Servants left in distresse;
Where we (poor fellows) were despis'd and hated,
And to give Money 'gainst our Maister Rated:
But I, with others, crav'd to be excused,
Some gave, some gave not, flatly I refused,
My King and's Father, gave me cloath and Wages,
Which Motive sure His Servants all ingages:
But too too many a Rascall (worse then Judas,)
Have given the Rebells Money like a Lewd Asse.
The generation of abhorred Vipers,
The Coyn Collectors, most insatiate Gripers,
Swore to return my name, I feard what may come,
And left my wife a dying, and away come.
My wrongs, my griefes, and sicknesse so had wearied her,
Shee dy'd, they sold my goods, and fairly buried her.
Th'usurping Fsaack (Major) did hate me deadly,
But yet I got his passe (by meere Chaunce-Medly;)
I tooke a Boate, and up to Windsor went I,
Whereas of Rebells (of all sorts) were plenty,
Some great Commanders, who were Tradesmen broaken
Grown rich with Plunder, late, scarse worth a Token;
Some Cobling Preachers, some perfidious Nobles,
(The Church, the King and Kingdomes cursed troubles)
Besides a crew of base Knaves, Omnium Gatherum,
Shuffle 'em together, and the Divell father 'um;
One of their Generall Essex Life-Guard was there
Who struck me, as I up the street did passe there,
He calld me pretty surnames, Rogue and Traytor,
Malignant, and the Parliaments great hater,
And Spy, and to the Kings use then that I would
Betray the Town and Castle both, if I could.
That villaine had a mighty mind to bast me,
But I, from him did to the Castle hast me,
Where Peterboroughs Earle, and the Lord Rochfort,
(Pardon my Rime good Reader I must botch for't)
They knew me, and did entertaine me friendly
And askt at what place did my journies end lye,
I said to Abingdon, and that to Henly
I would go that night, if I might passe cleanly,
Or safely from my Lord of Essex Catives
Whose carriage shewed, they were not Englands Natives.
The Noble Rebells kindly did discard me
And caused some Souldiers through their Guards to guard me,
And so I Windsor left, (what can be more said)
And weary went to Henly, as aforesaid,
But when to Maidenhead I was advanced,
Vpon three Ragged Rebells there I chanced,
Who all to Henly, company did beare me
And in the mid-way, (in a wood) did feare me.
For, in the Thicket of tall Oakes and Beeches
Me thought I heard 'em mutter scurvy speeches,
One said, old man, the Coat you now are wearing
Is much too hot, and heavy for your bearing,
The second spide a bag, wherein I carried
Things for my use, (as my occasions varied)
These two demanded, and I durst not grudge it
But strait delivered them my Coat and Budget.
The third man (which did make their number triple)
Offered his service, like a kind disciple,
Quoth he, of that man you to much have shar'd him,
And of his goods and moveables have par'd him,
Shall I that of your Company am third man
Have nothing, shall I be a base absurd man.
My friend, quoth I, all is not quite berest me
My selfe is yet mine owne, my selfe is left me,
I'm weary, carry me, they have my cloothing
And thou shalt carry me, that's more then nothing.
With that they laught outright, I faining smiled
And so the tedious way with talke beguiled.
My leash of Rascalls, were mad Blades, (right Bilboes)
True tatter'd Rogues, in breech, shirts, skirts and elboes,
They sung, and danc'd the Morris, like maide Marrian
And sweat and stunk, as sweet as sugar Carrion,
I mus'd, if they were pleas'd to jeere and sob me,
Or if they meant to jest with me or Rob me:
But they to me prov'd Rebells with some reason
They had not learn'd their Grammar Rules of Treason,
They kindly brought me to a wholsome Alehouse,
Where merrily we drank like foure good fellowes,
With songs, and tales, and now and then a story
And 'ere we fell a sleep, we sung John Dorrye,
They gave me all, which they from me had got then;
Deceiving me, cause they deceiv'd me not then;
I left both them and Henly, and away I
To Abingdon, by shutting in of day I
Came to the Kings Head, (my owne Brother's house,) and
Of welcomes, I had some part of a thousand.
'Twas neare the time of Marches Equinoctiall,
J had good meat, and such drink as would fox ye all;
Ther's many Barrell full, turn'd Turvey Topsie
And many a But hath dropt away the dropsie
That there's good fare, and entertainment proper
For Love, for Gold, for Silver, and for Copper.
At Abingdon, I staid almost a fortnight,
The dayes wax'd long, (and each day had a short night.)
Much about Easter time, I came to Oxford,
Where are some few knaves, and some Mizers Fox-furd,
In Christ-Church Garden, then a gladsome sight was
My Soveraigne Lord, and many a Peere and Knight was,
The Hopefull Prince and James Dux Eboracensis
(Whom God defend from Rebells false pretences)
The Sunne of Sacred Majesty did frustrate
My former griefes, and all my joyes Illustrate,
His gracious Eye, did see where I did stand strait,
He came to me, puts forth his Royall hand strait,
Which on my knees, I humbly kneeld and kist it,
I rather had left all I had, then mist it.
But now at Oxford, I was safe arrived,
How to be well imployed my Braines contrived,
My purse was turn'd a Brownist or a Round-head,
For all the Crosses in it, were confounded,
To some Imployment I my selfe must settle,
Fire must be had to boyle the Pot and Kettle.
Then by the Lords Commissioners, and also
By my good King, (whom all true Subjects call so)
I was commanded with the Water Baylie
To see the Rivers clensed both nights and dayly.
Dead Hogges, Dogges, Cats, and well slayd Carryon Horses
Their noysom Corpes soyld the Waters Courses:
Both swines and Stable dunge, Beasts guts and Garbage,
Street durt, with Gardners weeds and Rotten Herbage.
And from those Waters filthy putrifaction,
Our meat and drink were made, which bred Infection.
My selfe and partner, with cost paines and travell,
Saw all made clean, from Carryon, Mud, and Gravell:
And now and then was punisht a Delinquent,
By which good meanes away the filth and stink went.
Besides at all commands, we serv'd all warrants,
To take Boats for most necessary errants,
To carry Ammunition, food and fewell,
(The last of which last Winter was a Jewell.)
Poor Souldiers that were Maim'd, or sick, or wounded
By the curst meanes of some Rebellious Roundhead;
To carry and recarry them our care was,
To get them Boats as cause both here and there was.
Thus have I been imployd, besides my trade is,
To write some Pamphlets, to please Lords and Ladies,
With Gentlemen or others that will read them,
Whose wits (I hope) not over much will heed them.
To all these services I am immediate
Obedient, willing, at occasions ready at.
My Riches is my Lame Legge, let the blame lye
Vpon that Legge, because I have writ Lamelye.